“This boat drives wacky fast!” 
- Mom

Grandma: “What kind of fireworks did you buy?”
Kelsey: “I got a turtle that shoots fire pellets out of its ass.”
Grandma: “What did you say?”
Grandpa: “She said she got a girdle that shoots tire bullets, wait, what?”
Grandma: “What? What did you say?”

“Those fireworks are wacky loud!”
- Mom (apparently somebody found a new phrase)

“God bless America. And birthday cake. And Canada.”
- Grandma 

“Tonight (July 4th) would be the perfect time to shoot someone.”
- John Conn