Posts tagged Lists

Better late than never, eh?

Top 10 Songs of 2011 

1. “Tigers” Steven Malkmus and the Jicks 
2. “Shake Me Down” Cage the Elephant 
3. “Powa” Tune-Yards
4. “Our Hearts Are Wrong” Jessica Lea Mayfield 
5. “Ice Cream” Battles 
6. “Aroused” Tom Vek
7. “Miss K” Deer Tick 
8. “Stone Rollin” Raphael Saadiq 
9. “Midnight City” M83 
10. “Bedroom Eyes” Dum Dum Girls  

Top 10 Albums of 2011 

1. “21” Adele 
2. “Nostalgia, Ultra” Frank Ocean 
3. “Bon Iver” Bon Iver 
4. “Whokill” Tune-Yards 
5. “Riptide” Beirut 
6. “This Modern Glitch” The Wombats 
7. “Zonoscope” Cut Copy 
8. “Ukulele Songs” Eddie Vedder 
9. “Angles” The Strokes 
10. “We’re New Here” Gil Scott-Heron & Jamie XX 

Songs That Almost Made It

• “Need You Now” Cut Copy 
• “Someone Like You” Adele 
• “Yonkers” Tyler the Creator 
• “Good Feeling” Flo Rida 
• “Somebody I Used to Know” Gotye (feat. Kimbra) 
• “Junk of the Heart” The Kooks 
• “Shaking All Over” Wanda Jackson 
• “Booty City” Black Joe Lewis and the Honeybears

1. My dreadlocks
   Grandma: “Those corn rows. What’s up with those corn rows? You look like Jimi Hendrix.” 
   
   Me: “Grandma, Jimi Hendrix had a huge afro. Besides, I have dreadlocks, not corn rows. You know, like Bob Marley, if we must put it in terms of African American musical legends.”
   
   Grandma: “Yeah, Obama, Michael Jordan, and Malcom X. Whatever. The point is, do boys like girls with dreadlocks, Kels? Well, DO THEY?” 
   
   Me: “Oh, you made a list of black men. Good job, Grandma.”
    
2. My complete lack of domestic skills
   Apparently having the ability to cross stitch knee slappers like “Home Sweet Mess” and “Once I quit golf. It was the hardest day of my life.” on to couch pillows and frame-able doilies will never go out of style.
   
   
3. My foul mouth
   Grandma: “I remember when I could get a quarter from you for saying ‘stupid’ or ‘shoot.’ I’d be a rich B-word if I started charging $5 every time you complain about your coworker who was being a slutty  ‘See You Next Wednesday’ as you say.”
   
   Me: “Close enough.”
   
   
4. I’m too techy
   Grandma: ”You’re on the computer too much. You talk about the Twitter all the time. You spend too much time learning ‘technology’ (does the quotation mark action with fingers) stuff. You’re like a female bodybuilder, but for ‘technology.’ (does it again) And nobody likes female bodybuilders.”
   
   Me: “First of all, Grandma, that analogy was ridiculous. In other news, you don’t have to put ‘quotation marks’ (does the quotation mark action with fingers) around the word ‘technology.’ (does it again) It’s not theoretical. It exists.” 
   
   
5. My big feet
   She’s awfully worried they don’t even make wedding shoes in size 11. “But you’ll probably want to get married barefoot at an outdoor music festival anyway, right Kels?”

Local:

• Carbon Copy (CC) Club: Exclusive cubicle gang, obvi.
• Mega Points for Lovely Sex (MPLS): “You know, a bathroom hookup is hard to pull off gracefully, but MPLS for you, kid-o.”
• MAKE MORE MUFFINS! (3M): Breadsmith’s dictatorship-esque motto.

Miscellaneous: 

• Advanced Aardvark Rental Permits (AARP): Well, you surely couldn’t assume that you’d be able to ride one of those things without being properly certified, COULD YOU?!
• Not Actually A Cat Person (NAACP): “Would you like to touch my feline?” “Oh hey, thanks for that super duper offer, but I’m NAACP.”
• Mostly Vaginal Penetration (MVP): I mean, CVP (Complete Vaginal Penetration) is always the goal, but, you know, nobody’s perfect, especially after 4 PBR tallboys.