Posts tagged Sexy Swag
Posts tagged Sexy Swag
“That project won’t take very long. Just whip it out.”
This afternoon, Liz’s confusion of two simple phrases led to an incredibly awkward situation with a middle-aged male coworker.
“Whip through it” + “”Crank it out” = “Whip it out” and a pending sexual harassment charge.
A - #AwwHellNo
B - #BrainerdWorkVaca
Atleast the hotel had cookies at the front desk. OH WAIT, THEY WERE OUT. Fuckin’ Brainerd.
C - #ClassicGoobs
D - #DontYouDareWoofAtMe
E - #EffThisNose
I think I probably meant “noise?” If not, I was actually unaware of my apparently subconscious hatred of my schnoz.
F - #FrankOceanSwoonyPants
I mean, right?
G - #GrandOldDay
Don’t ask me, I don’t seem to remember anything. #TooManyMimosas
H - #HeckYes
I refuse to believe that Napoleon Dynamite quotes are finished.
I - #IWannaDie
Every Saturday/Sunday morning.
J - #JustSayin
I “just say” a lot of stuff.
K - #KelseyFact
No one cares, Kels.
L - #LAWLZ
M - #MyFeetFeelFatDotCom
Just one of those days, ya heard?
N - #NowPlaying
O - #OffBeats
In reference to my annoying french horn parts when playing in Family Band, a twice annual familial music group formed by all my cousins, aunts/uncles, sisters, parents, and Grandpa on the tuba. We play Christmas carols in Dec. and Sousa marches in July. We suck.
P - #PizzaLuceBlockParty
Little did I know that the cool kids were tweeting sans the “pizza” at #LuceBlockParty.
Q - #QuestionablePoopLikeStainOnSidewalk
Outside the CVS in Midway. Don’t know why I was surprised, being that I was at the Midway CVS and all.
R - #RomanticFrenchHipHopSwag
Talking about MC Solaar, tryin’ to be cool. You know how it is.
S - #SweatySwag
This is what I have after I got for a run and have convinced myself that I still look/smell just fine.
T - #TeenSanta
A Shane Shane song you must know.
U - #UTJUSYhahahhaha
This was obviously some sort of “hilarious” acronym I came up with while drunk.
V - #VaginalInterpretation
W - #WineDrunk
What else is new, eh?
X - I have no hashtags saved in my phone that start with “x.” Suggestions?
Y - #YuckBuckFuckCluckDuckMuckTRUCK
♥ rhyming. ♥ trucks.
Z - #ZebrasWhatWhatInTheButt
Apparently I was pretty stoked to see my striped friends at the Como Zoo.
Married to my cousin Jameson and living in a pink treehouse underneath a rainbow. We also have like 16 puppies that never grow up into real dogs, they just stay puppies forever and poop out bite-size Oreos.
Accomplished Olympic swimmer with so many gold medals that I couldn’t feasibly wear them all at the same time because it would break my neck and the shine would be too much for the eyes of mere humans.
Dating someone like Travis Barker or a Sum 41 band member, touring the country in a pimped out Greyhound, drinking big-can-energy-drinks and being “punky.” We would be so rich that we would install DVD players on our BMX bikes so we could watch Jackass movies while doing tricks on that ramp thingie.
The high school kids’ favorite math teacher. They call Miss Kel and come to me with their teen issues ‘cuz they know I know what’s hip. The sexy, slightly older principle plays footsie with me under the table at staff meetings, but I’m just stringing him along because I’m actually dating a different personal trainer from each of the 3 Lifetime Fitnesses in my neighborhood.
Definitely not getting drunk all the time anymore…
For real though, not getting drunk all the time anymore. And making a butt-ton more money than I was at 24.
Note: 25th birthday = Oct. 5, 2011, so there’s still time…
Check out the latest cinematic adventure from Koo Koo Kangaroo!
Yes, those are skin tight, orange, youth-sized basketball shorts. Yes, they did have a huge hole in the butt. NBD. No autographs plz.
Thanks, parents. Thanks a lot. I guess I turned out… OK…?
HipsterSurferCoolKid band The Rapture has a new album coming out in the fall and their newly released single is already blowing up. “How Deep Is Your Love” has already been entered into my own “What song will I play over and over throughout the summer until my friends disown me for being so fucking annoying” competition.
Yes yes yes, it’s a good song, no doubt. BUT… doesn’t the chorus remind you a little of a silver-haired (literally) hit from yesteryear? “Mmhmm, sure does,” you say.
Now, to compare…
“Let me hear that sooooooong”
“Let me see that thooooooong”
EDIT (8-23-11): AHA! Proof (4th paragraph): http://bit.ly/qzJyBU