Posts tagged Skills

1. My dreadlocks
   Grandma: “Those corn rows. What’s up with those corn rows? You look like Jimi Hendrix.” 
   
   Me: “Grandma, Jimi Hendrix had a huge afro. Besides, I have dreadlocks, not corn rows. You know, like Bob Marley, if we must put it in terms of African American musical legends.”
   
   Grandma: “Yeah, Obama, Michael Jordan, and Malcom X. Whatever. The point is, do boys like girls with dreadlocks, Kels? Well, DO THEY?” 
   
   Me: “Oh, you made a list of black men. Good job, Grandma.”
    
2. My complete lack of domestic skills
   Apparently having the ability to cross stitch knee slappers like “Home Sweet Mess” and “Once I quit golf. It was the hardest day of my life.” on to couch pillows and frame-able doilies will never go out of style.
   
   
3. My foul mouth
   Grandma: “I remember when I could get a quarter from you for saying ‘stupid’ or ‘shoot.’ I’d be a rich B-word if I started charging $5 every time you complain about your coworker who was being a slutty  ‘See You Next Wednesday’ as you say.”
   
   Me: “Close enough.”
   
   
4. I’m too techy
   Grandma: ”You’re on the computer too much. You talk about the Twitter all the time. You spend too much time learning ‘technology’ (does the quotation mark action with fingers) stuff. You’re like a female bodybuilder, but for ‘technology.’ (does it again) And nobody likes female bodybuilders.”
   
   Me: “First of all, Grandma, that analogy was ridiculous. In other news, you don’t have to put ‘quotation marks’ (does the quotation mark action with fingers) around the word ‘technology.’ (does it again) It’s not theoretical. It exists.” 
   
   
5. My big feet
   She’s awfully worried they don’t even make wedding shoes in size 11. “But you’ll probably want to get married barefoot at an outdoor music festival anyway, right Kels?”