Posts tagged Work

“That project won’t take very long. Just whip it out.”

This afternoon, Liz’s confusion of two simple phrases led to an incredibly awkward situation with a middle-aged male coworker.

“Whip through it” + “”Crank it out” = “Whip it out” and a pending sexual harassment charge.

Just browsing the Facebook conversation stream between @lizzietru and myself…

It’s obviously impossible to describe yourself in 160 characters or less, so why are you so intent on listing several generic words that make you seem like a pompous douchebag?

Words in your bio that make you seem pretentious:

• “(Loving) Father/Mother”
  Oh, wow! You love your kids? No way! Here’s a medal.


• “______ Guru, Specialist, Extraordinaire”
  We all have jobs. We’re all OK at them. Have you written a best selling book or hosted a TV show about the thing you’re a “guru” at? Well then, you’re probably not actually a guru.


• A quote from Gandhi or Obama or something
  Blah blah blah. Peace and love and hope, I know, I know.


• “Food/Wine/Beer Enthusiast/Connoisseur”
  No you’re not. You eat plain Kraft singles when you come home from the bars, just like the rest of us.


• “Friend”
  This is the worst. You have succumbed to the lowest level of bragging. You may as well write “I have skin and enjoy listening to music.”

Words in your bio that make you seem stupid:

• “Obsessed with Social Media”
  OK, this is implied for everyone on Twitter. Why would someone who’s not obsessed with social media waste their time filling the digital world with short half-sentences that nobody else reads?


• “I like animals”
  Just shut up.